Just snap out of it.


Be postiive.

These are things I have heard when I go through hard times. The truth is, it has been 3 years since I’ve independently felt joy.

I know I can be the life of the party and I’m happy when I’m around others but I couldn’t find joy alone. In the midst of a beautiful sunset. In the reflections of everything I have.

Flip the switch.

I feel really good and it seems like there was no thing I did to flip me into that.

It’s been 7 days. 7 days of joy. My very next question to myself in this time? “Is it safe…”

Am I hypomanic? Maybe a little. Am I happy? Yes. Can I just let it go and take it in? Maybe.

I’ve alerted the press. The press being my mental health team. I feel safe enough so I’m just going to hold on to these moments. They pass. They always do.

And then they come back. And I welcome them with open arms.