I know the only way to see my true character I must press against some type of adversity. Only in a dead sprint can I feel my lungs telling me I’m alive. Only in a phone call can I feel my heart buckle as I’m told my father has died. Only on my knee can I feel my eyes open to the woman I will some day call my wife.

On January 19, 2019, John Matthew Schmitt passed away.

I found out at 5AM. I had to leave my house at 7AM to help facilitate a songwriter’s workshop with Jason Mraz as the lead. I played an important role and would not let him or the participants down. That night I was part of a sold out music production. From 7AM-9PM I pushed through. I even wrote a song about my father and performed it that night., opening up to the crowd that my father had passed that day. Allowing others to be vulnerable with me.

I am one strong woman. I had forgotten.

On February 2, 2019, Becca Jean Paoni said she’d marry me.

In my father’s passing I learned it’s never too soon. I knew I wanted to marry Becca and was going to wait until November to ask. In the midst of the battle against grief, I was able to open my heart as it felt like I was closing in. Detaching my body from my mind. Disengaging.

I am one strong woman. I must remember.