My antipsychotic med is a champ. It has done it's job very well since I got on it about 9 months ago. For me, it wards off delusions (beliefs that aren't based in reality) and paranoia (that thought that someone is talking about me or plotting to hurt me). It seems to greatly decrease what might be a hallucination I experience when looking in people's eyes specifically at night.
I recently had a show. I grabbed my keys to leave for my gig. I noticed the pill holder on my keychain (which doubles as my earplugs holder...gross), was still full from the night before.
"I forgot to take my meds last night...dammit."
Key in ignition and off I go to the gig.
It could have been the mere realization that I hadn't taken my meds, but I observed tiny delusions in my thoughts here and there on the road. I saw a license plate that started with the letters GDD. "GDD...that is a sign that God is here...I am God. The one true God."
*Snaps out of it
"That's not real."
*Turns up radio
This is my question: Am I seeing magic or madness? My passion or my plight? I have surrounded myself with people who are following their dreams. They tell me synchronicity happens in their lives. Unexplained coincidences. Signs. I feel like i can tell when I really do have signs reminding me that I'm on the right path. But sometimes I can't tell if I'm inside a delusion. I so badly want to follow the sign to see where it leads, but it might lead me into the belly of the beast.
In sync or out of my mind? Hard to tell.