What is real? Usually I think I am certain what is and what isn't. When the madness of mania pops its head out of the water just a little I am living in "reality" and "unreality." I am able to observe and recognize that what I'm experiencing isn't real while I am truly experiencing it as 100% real. Until I'm not. Until the madness soars out of the water in a beautiful, terrible flight. 

When I'm in a depression, it oozes slowly out of the cracks of my logic. I know what is real but I don't have the energy to believe it. It seems to last a lifetime and I really just want to go away. 

What can I say is really real? After 34 years I've decided that one of those real things is ironically a dream.

Sidenote: Is that ironic? Alanis Morisette ruined my concept of irony. Rain on your wedding day isn't ironic. It's unfortunate. It just didn't roll of the tongue as well. 

A dream is really just a goal. I realized it was time for me to wake up and start making moves. If my dream is to tour, I throw out 100 emails to get 10 back. But I get 10 back. If I want to become a better blues player I take lessons from people better than I am. I can't just sit here and pray about it. I can't just manifest and will them to come into my life. I have to walk to the door myself. I have to use my own hand and my own power to open up the opportunity. 

So really, for the first time in ever, I have taken complete ownership of my own destiny. Sure, things will move in ways I don't expect, but if my intention turns to action my action will turn into my new reality. My dream, alive.

I'm really scared, but I'm even more really excited.